Fulfilling a dream...

You know I spend a lot of time trying to do what I need to do.  I feel like a failure as a woman sometimes because I did not have that urge to stay home and be a soccer mom.  However I think I have realized you do not have to stay home to be the type of soccer mom I have in my head.  I feel such a pull towards being what is now called a domestic diva.  To kick it all off I am looking at sewing machines.  I want to sew.  I took a class way back in jr. high.  I got an A.  I never received another A in a class for the rest of my life.  I know I can make things.  I have ideas in my head all day long.  The latest is blankets.  My friends and sister-in-law are having babies.  Due the same day.  And it looks like they are both having girls.  I am beyond excited.  What better way to welcome these 2 new little babies then with a blanket made just for them.  Then I realized that if this goes well, I could sell my blankets.  Some people do not have the ability to make things however I am sure they would have killed me in math class.  I am not dumb I just lack the book smarts.  I can learn just about anything if it is not in a book.  As my mom stated the other day, I was cursed with creativity.  I can find uses for everything. I feel like doing this isn't just finding a new way to make some extra cash or saving money on baby presents.  While it most certainly may do that it will also finally be me doing what I want to do.  Be creative and make things from my heart with my own 2 hands.  I want to bake too.  Not like crazy cake boss baking. I just want to make cakes and icing from scratch for my family.  I love to see their faces when they take a bite and they get that look on their face like I am the best mom ever.  I am going to step my cooking up a notch as well.  I find myself in the kitchen when I am upset and stressed.  It puts me at ease when I create something.  So if I am always creating and making I think  my life will be more peaceful for me.  Having all the emotions I do with no where to dump them out makes for a crazy and exhausted me.  No I am not going to bury my feeling in projects.  No I am going to let them out in my creations.  I am sure someone who knows me will be able to tell what mood I was in when making a certain thing.  I grew up looking at my mom like she was amazing.  And well she was for several reasons.  She could sew, crochet, cook, bake, garden, can, and make anything from scratch.  She went back to school and stopped doing those things because she felt a pull in that direction.  I respect her for that more then she will ever know.  I do not want my daughters to look at me and think I never followed my pull.  That yes I was a good mother but I never did what I felt I should do because I was too busy doing what everyone else needed.  All they will see is being a mom means you sacrifice everything and never get to be who or what you want to be.  I want them to look at me when they are my age and say, "My mother followed her pull all while doing for us."   I want them to have that respect for me and I want them to know you never have to stop following your dreams or stop being who you really feel you are.  Not for anyone.  You may have to pause it for your children.  However if you never press play again and stay in pause.  You will never be happy with yourself or anything around you.  You will always be looking for the source of being happy.  When the source to your happiness, is you.  You can make or break yourself.  And I want my girls to see that being true to their self... Is the only thing that I ever want them to succeed at in life.   So I am going to be true to me and fulfill my dreams. After all aren't we supposed to lead by example?